Day 1: Riverside.

Hello and Hi. There have been two thousand and eight years since some fella dressed in a diaper and uncomfortable headgear got stuck to a big “T” with some carpentry nails and poked with a sword. So some say. The evolution of things between there and here leaves me in my current position: lying down in a Dodge van traveling 80 MPH, my head adorned with more comfy headgear than that other fella, seeing as mine is playing pretty music and not made of thorns.

It’s pretty weird to drive through Wyoming to get from Utah to Colorado, but it’s supposedly faster with those Rocky Mountains in the way. That’s where I am. En route to Denver. Accompanied by cast of characters that are sure to be the fodder of many stories. Who are they, you ask? Well, none other than the rock and/or roll band Lewd Acts. I have the privilege to spend the next 4 weeks with these self-proclaimed punks. My name is Lou. I’ll be doing my darndest to document the shenanigans that happen during that time. I’m sure you’ll get to know the characters and their mannerisms quite quickly with the aid of video, photo, and my humble words.

Shall we begin?

Day 1:

Well, after a stressful day of getting everything together (I’m assured that the amount of work to get a tour taken care of is exactly one “butt-load”. Which is slightly more that a “shit-ton.”)the gang traveled up to Riverside to play with old and new friends in: Xyalbia, Rotting Out, Creatures, Pressvre, Crucified and Alpha Omega. Unfortunately, we were running late and missed our set spot to play. This just meant that we would have to headline. Not a problem. So, we lugged our gear up the Rocky-like flight of stairs and did a little rocking. That is, until we stepped outside to witness some large male humans attacking a smaller male human. During the severe beating, Jake, Lewd Acts’ bass breaker, tried to intervene. He felt it silly and overall unfair that these larger male humans would inflict such random hate and hurt on a much smaller male human. His intervention resulted in a fist to his eye. Followed by several more fists to his “open-relationship-girl-friend’s” face. It seems that these large males had too much testosterone running through their proportionally smaller heads. Testosterone is a hormone produced in human males that makes them want to watch football, lose hair on their heads, and grow it on their shoulders. Said testosterone made these large males continue to transfer their fists to the faces of any and all faces that were not affiliated with them.

The ruckus finally stopped after many juvenile and non-relevant words were exchanged. The result? A hurt jaw on Jake’s “open-relationship-girl-friend”, Jake himself looked like someone poked him really hard in the eye and Tyler was bleeding heavily out of his left eye due to a smart sucker punch that launched his glasses into the Riverside night sky.

The problems did not cease there. See, by the time each band played it was 10:30 PM, which was the time that the place had to be cleared out and set up for another show.

“Sorry, there’s not enough time so Lewd Acts can’t play. Show’s over.” Said the promoter over the PA.

Little does he know Lewd Acts.

They pulled their van in front of the venue, told kids not to leave, then proceeded to set up a drum set. Followed by the injection of an amplifier into the van’s A/C power converter.

Before the town of Riverside knew it, they were experiencing Lewd Acts on the street.