Saturday, September 27, 2008
Day 8: Kansas City/Adventure to Elkhorn, WI
Our St. Louis show got cancelled, so we listened to Black Sabbath, made nachos and then drove through the night to Wisconsin. Along the drive, we came across many a curious thing. My favorite being a truck driver singles newspaper. The front read: “Like for you to meet.” There’s an incarcerated section for those who were once truck drivers, wish to become truck drivers, or just think a truck driver would be a suitable life-mate while in the pen.
Day 7: Kansas City.
Rarely is there a show where all the bands playing are awesome. This was one of those rare days. Tyler didn’t get hit in the eye with drywall this time, but it was a great show. Neil and his six-toed cat put us up for the night. Ernest Hemmingway had polydactyl cats, AKA six toed cats. If Ernest Hemmingway was a trapped in the mid 90’s hardcore scene, lived in the middle of nowhere, and played copious amounts of video games, perhaps he and Neil would be one in the same.
Day 6: Omaha.
Thank all deities for Cooper Moon. After getting to our show late, due to the Colorado Highway Patrol, Omahans showed us a proper and illegal time. Our hearts go out to you.
Day 5: Denver.
Allow me to explain “Swamp Water”: You take your favorite 40 Oz. Bottle of malt liquor (this is a joke of course, no one has a favorite), drink it down to the label, then fill it back up by pouring in MD 20/20 Bling Bling Blue Raspberry. MD 20/20 is another bum wine. On it’s own, it tastes like someone melted candy into gasoline, but mixed in with a 40, it tastes like God came in your mouth. Speaking of God cumming in mouths, we ate at City O City, which is a restaurant that makes fantastic vegan delights.
The rest of my night was blurred into the starry sky as a haze of smoke. It was glorious.
The rest of my night was blurred into the starry sky as a haze of smoke. It was glorious.
Day 3: Reno.
Richard was introduced to Strawberry Cisco and Evil Spirits. Cisco is a fortified wine, AKA “bum wine” and Evil Spirits is a mixture of tequila, grape-fruit juice, and Lucifer’s semen. We now know that when the two are mixed, they cause Richard to lie in the middle of poorly lit streets.
Listen to Farley Overdose. They need a sandwich for their jams.
Listen to Farley Overdose. They need a sandwich for their jams.
Day 2: Half Moon Bay
After heightening our senses, with drugs and alcohol, we drove to Half Moon Bay to play “Kinda Like a Fest.” With: Comadre, GRAF ORLOCK, Dangers, Zann, Seperation, Punch, and Over Vert.
Great show. Lots of good looking folks. Vegan eats were floating all about. Really, it was perfect.
This was the day we picked up the “roadie” of the band, Richard. He is racially ambiguous. He can be anything you want to be. Except white. You know, a real urban chameleon.
I suppose I should introduce Alex (AKA Yeti) and Cory (AKA Corey), the two other tenants of the van. Get used to them They’ll be around.
Great show. Lots of good looking folks. Vegan eats were floating all about. Really, it was perfect.
This was the day we picked up the “roadie” of the band, Richard. He is racially ambiguous. He can be anything you want to be. Except white. You know, a real urban chameleon.
I suppose I should introduce Alex (AKA Yeti) and Cory (AKA Corey), the two other tenants of the van. Get used to them They’ll be around.
Day 1: Riverside.
Hello and Hi. There have been two thousand and eight years since some fella dressed in a diaper and uncomfortable headgear got stuck to a big “T” with some carpentry nails and poked with a sword. So some say. The evolution of things between there and here leaves me in my current position: lying down in a Dodge van traveling 80 MPH, my head adorned with more comfy headgear than that other fella, seeing as mine is playing pretty music and not made of thorns.
It’s pretty weird to drive through Wyoming to get from Utah to Colorado, but it’s supposedly faster with those Rocky Mountains in the way. That’s where I am. En route to Denver. Accompanied by cast of characters that are sure to be the fodder of many stories. Who are they, you ask? Well, none other than the rock and/or roll band Lewd Acts. I have the privilege to spend the next 4 weeks with these self-proclaimed punks. My name is Lou. I’ll be doing my darndest to document the shenanigans that happen during that time. I’m sure you’ll get to know the characters and their mannerisms quite quickly with the aid of video, photo, and my humble words.
Shall we begin?
Day 1:
Well, after a stressful day of getting everything together (I’m assured that the amount of work to get a tour taken care of is exactly one “butt-load”. Which is slightly more that a “shit-ton.”)the gang traveled up to Riverside to play with old and new friends in: Xyalbia, Rotting Out, Creatures, Pressvre, Crucified and Alpha Omega. Unfortunately, we were running late and missed our set spot to play. This just meant that we would have to headline. Not a problem. So, we lugged our gear up the Rocky-like flight of stairs and did a little rocking. That is, until we stepped outside to witness some large male humans attacking a smaller male human. During the severe beating, Jake, Lewd Acts’ bass breaker, tried to intervene. He felt it silly and overall unfair that these larger male humans would inflict such random hate and hurt on a much smaller male human. His intervention resulted in a fist to his eye. Followed by several more fists to his “open-relationship-girl-friend’s” face. It seems that these large males had too much testosterone running through their proportionally smaller heads. Testosterone is a hormone produced in human males that makes them want to watch football, lose hair on their heads, and grow it on their shoulders. Said testosterone made these large males continue to transfer their fists to the faces of any and all faces that were not affiliated with them.
The ruckus finally stopped after many juvenile and non-relevant words were exchanged. The result? A hurt jaw on Jake’s “open-relationship-girl-friend”, Jake himself looked like someone poked him really hard in the eye and Tyler was bleeding heavily out of his left eye due to a smart sucker punch that launched his glasses into the Riverside night sky.
The problems did not cease there. See, by the time each band played it was 10:30 PM, which was the time that the place had to be cleared out and set up for another show.
“Sorry, there’s not enough time so Lewd Acts can’t play. Show’s over.” Said the promoter over the PA.
Little does he know Lewd Acts.
They pulled their van in front of the venue, told kids not to leave, then proceeded to set up a drum set. Followed by the injection of an amplifier into the van’s A/C power converter.
Before the town of Riverside knew it, they were experiencing Lewd Acts on the street.
It’s pretty weird to drive through Wyoming to get from Utah to Colorado, but it’s supposedly faster with those Rocky Mountains in the way. That’s where I am. En route to Denver. Accompanied by cast of characters that are sure to be the fodder of many stories. Who are they, you ask? Well, none other than the rock and/or roll band Lewd Acts. I have the privilege to spend the next 4 weeks with these self-proclaimed punks. My name is Lou. I’ll be doing my darndest to document the shenanigans that happen during that time. I’m sure you’ll get to know the characters and their mannerisms quite quickly with the aid of video, photo, and my humble words.
Shall we begin?
Day 1:
Well, after a stressful day of getting everything together (I’m assured that the amount of work to get a tour taken care of is exactly one “butt-load”. Which is slightly more that a “shit-ton.”)the gang traveled up to Riverside to play with old and new friends in: Xyalbia, Rotting Out, Creatures, Pressvre, Crucified and Alpha Omega. Unfortunately, we were running late and missed our set spot to play. This just meant that we would have to headline. Not a problem. So, we lugged our gear up the Rocky-like flight of stairs and did a little rocking. That is, until we stepped outside to witness some large male humans attacking a smaller male human. During the severe beating, Jake, Lewd Acts’ bass breaker, tried to intervene. He felt it silly and overall unfair that these larger male humans would inflict such random hate and hurt on a much smaller male human. His intervention resulted in a fist to his eye. Followed by several more fists to his “open-relationship-girl-friend’s” face. It seems that these large males had too much testosterone running through their proportionally smaller heads. Testosterone is a hormone produced in human males that makes them want to watch football, lose hair on their heads, and grow it on their shoulders. Said testosterone made these large males continue to transfer their fists to the faces of any and all faces that were not affiliated with them.
The ruckus finally stopped after many juvenile and non-relevant words were exchanged. The result? A hurt jaw on Jake’s “open-relationship-girl-friend”, Jake himself looked like someone poked him really hard in the eye and Tyler was bleeding heavily out of his left eye due to a smart sucker punch that launched his glasses into the Riverside night sky.
The problems did not cease there. See, by the time each band played it was 10:30 PM, which was the time that the place had to be cleared out and set up for another show.
“Sorry, there’s not enough time so Lewd Acts can’t play. Show’s over.” Said the promoter over the PA.
Little does he know Lewd Acts.
They pulled their van in front of the venue, told kids not to leave, then proceeded to set up a drum set. Followed by the injection of an amplifier into the van’s A/C power converter.
Before the town of Riverside knew it, they were experiencing Lewd Acts on the street.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I just blogged my pants.
So much to talk about!
Where to begin?
How about here:
A. Our split with Hour of the Wolf comes out this May. Start saving your pennies! (We posted the song "Broken Kids" on Myspace page. For your ears to hear.) Pretty soon here, I'll post what that song is all about.
B. We've got a little West coast tour coming up the end of March that's going to be a swell time! March 21st-30th, to be exact.
3. On that tour we're going to have new cassette tapes with 2 new songs and 2 covers. For your listening pleasure. We will only be making 100 of these tapes and they will only be available for this tour. If you're not able to get these gems at a show, don't fret! We will have all the songs available for download on GetLewd.com for free!
D. For your visual pleasure, we'll have new merchandises that have pretty pictures on them. These include, but are not limited to the following: shirts, hoodies, patches, butt flaps, screen printed posters.
That's about it, I suppose. I don't want to bore you. I'm going to try to update this little gem more often. I'm also going to try to do some more push-ups. With my mind.
Where to begin?
How about here:
A. Our split with Hour of the Wolf comes out this May. Start saving your pennies! (We posted the song "Broken Kids" on Myspace page. For your ears to hear.) Pretty soon here, I'll post what that song is all about.
B. We've got a little West coast tour coming up the end of March that's going to be a swell time! March 21st-30th, to be exact.
3. On that tour we're going to have new cassette tapes with 2 new songs and 2 covers. For your listening pleasure. We will only be making 100 of these tapes and they will only be available for this tour. If you're not able to get these gems at a show, don't fret! We will have all the songs available for download on GetLewd.com for free!
D. For your visual pleasure, we'll have new merchandises that have pretty pictures on them. These include, but are not limited to the following: shirts, hoodies, patches, butt flaps, screen printed posters.
That's about it, I suppose. I don't want to bore you. I'm going to try to update this little gem more often. I'm also going to try to do some more push-ups. With my mind.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
It's been far too long...
Since we last spoke, a lot has changed. Here are some highlights:
Me and the boys traveled up to Canada and back.
We said hello to our new bassist John.
You can see him below. Our friend Christina took some snazzy snaps of us. We look like shit and smell the part.
Andy left us for 2 months to play guitar for Internal Affairs in Europe, Japan and Australia.
While Cory visited bot flies and deer ticks in Africa.
Tony Blair left Parliament.
I broke my hand on Lee's face.
Jesus returned and sits in front of a Home Depot.
We've got a lot to be looking forward to now. We'll be hitting the pavement with our old pals in Trash Talk and Hour of the Wolf. Familiar faces will travel with us all over the continental United States. Of course, we hope to come across new faces as well. I mean that in a very non-lewd way. Or do I?
August 5th we'll kick off the jams with the help of all our Tucson Arizonian brethren. They may be spawns of gnarwhals, but they know how to party.
While we're on the coast of East, we'll be recording a couple songs with Mr. Kurt (from Converge fame) at God City Studios. These little numbers will be etched into vinyl for a split spinning disc with HOTW. We are just pleased as punch to be teaming up with these talented lads. Many thanks to Ryan and THINK FAST! records, who'll will be releasing said record.
As for now, I have a date with the porcelain throne... this burrito ain't sittin' right.
Me and the boys traveled up to Canada and back.
We said hello to our new bassist John.
You can see him below. Our friend Christina took some snazzy snaps of us. We look like shit and smell the part.
Andy left us for 2 months to play guitar for Internal Affairs in Europe, Japan and Australia.
While Cory visited bot flies and deer ticks in Africa.
Tony Blair left Parliament.
I broke my hand on Lee's face.
Jesus returned and sits in front of a Home Depot.
We've got a lot to be looking forward to now. We'll be hitting the pavement with our old pals in Trash Talk and Hour of the Wolf. Familiar faces will travel with us all over the continental United States. Of course, we hope to come across new faces as well. I mean that in a very non-lewd way. Or do I?
August 5th we'll kick off the jams with the help of all our Tucson Arizonian brethren. They may be spawns of gnarwhals, but they know how to party.
While we're on the coast of East, we'll be recording a couple songs with Mr. Kurt (from Converge fame) at God City Studios. These little numbers will be etched into vinyl for a split spinning disc with HOTW. We are just pleased as punch to be teaming up with these talented lads. Many thanks to Ryan and THINK FAST! records, who'll will be releasing said record.
As for now, I have a date with the porcelain throne... this burrito ain't sittin' right.
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